Despite the fact that we love our partner, sometimes an overbearing mother-in-law can be a lot to handle. Sometimes, it is also shocking how different a MIL’s personality can be from the child that they birthed. For one woman in New Jersey, the way her MIL acts has had an impact on a very important decision in her life. Now, she may not want to have children because she is terrified they could share a personality with her MIL.
The woman, who ranted on Reddit’s r/JUSTNOMIL forum, started by saying that her partner and her have lived together for a few years but they are not yet married. She goes right into it by saying, “Honestly the thought of my children sharing DNA with her bothers me because what if they inherit her personality???” She then outlines some of the reasons why she doesn’t want her prospective children to end up anything like her MIL.
One of the biggest reasons why OP is nervous to have children due to her MIL’s personality. According to OP, she is “kind of a time hog.” She goes on to explain she schedules calls with OP’s partner every weekend. To her the calls feel intrusive. She doesn’t seem to understand why the MIL and FIL won’t just wait until they see her partner in person. The idea of them being around more if OP had children doesn’t sit well with her.
OP also goes on to explain her MIL is rude and believes she’s “the expert on EVERYTHING.” Her MIL has tried to turn her husband against her by making her seem like the bad guy. She also believes, due to her MIL’s demanding and persuasive nature, she will attempt to force the young family into raising children in her religion. Neither OP, nor her partner, are religious.
In the comments, Redditors believe the woman’s fears are certainly justified. One person shared, “MIL sounds like a full-time, unsolicited life coach nobody asked for. Kids or no kids, boundaries will be your best friend, because she’s not just gonna dial it back on her own.” Another agreed, “Imagine what it’ll be like when kids are involved. You’re not overreacting, you’re just realizing what you’re getting yourself into.”
However, others believe the problems do not start and end with the mother-in-law herself. One person explained, “I have three kids under 10 and I promise, the DNA doesn’t work that way.” She goes on to say, “The big problem here is actually your partner. Your partner should be someone who can manage his mother’s behavior toward the family he builds in an appropriate way. If he’s the kind of man who would allow his mother to behave in the ways you’ve described above, and those behaviors don’t work for you, then this isn’t the person you should be building a life with.”
Of course, in a situation like this, boundaries are definitely the most important thing. Allowing somebody to get away with mistreating you and your family, especially with children involved, is not the way. For a couple, growing together is especially important, and sometimes that means putting some distance between yourself and those who may not have your best interests in mind—even when they’re family.
